Just for today, I hate these things:

Three behaviors that I do not like in myself and therefore cannot abide in others:

1. Monopolizing the conversation. Actually, conversation is not the correct word. What I mean is, turning what could have been a conversation into a monologue. Which, I believe, stems from the second detestable behavior:

2. Snobbery. Not believing that everyone has a talent and deserves respect, even if it takes a bit of effort to discover what that talent may be. Of course, if one is busy monopolizing the conversation, one will never understand that others have something interesting to say.

3. Blaming others for personal mistakes. Not accepting the consequences for our own actions. Fooling ourselves and trying to fool others into believing we have no part in our own failures and shortcomings. I could go on, but why? Working out an excuse is so much more difficult than simply saying "I'm sorry."

These three behaviors are like weeds in my mental garden and I promise to try to yank them up by the roots whenever I see them in myself.

I also promise to try not to point them out in others, since correcting people in public is something else I strive not to do. Hard, though, especially when it's poor spelling that could easily have been corrected just by clicking the spell checker link.

Yes, this is all very personal and its cause was a poorly-spelled post on a public forum in which someone who has never bothered to get to know me said some negative and untrue things. And yes, I gave in to the temptation to answer. Didn't correct their spelling and grammar, though. Good for me.

Final thoughts

The reunion was a success, I think, in spite of the fact that one family was not represented. The park location was perfect; the SLO County Recreation Department staff was friendly and even stopped by to bring us more trash bags. (I think it was a friendly pretext to make sure we were the right group.)

Everyone who came Friday was there on Saturday, plus several who drove down for just the day - like cousin Leanne from Berkeley. Her parents, Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Don, brought a five-gallon hand-crank ice cream maker. It took relays of the fourth generation to crank it to soft serve stage. My husband, Tim, barbecued his famous pork loin and we all brought side dishes to share. We ate and talked and laughed for hours. Cheryl said one sure way to signal the party was over was to clean up, so we refused to clean anything until the first couple got up to leave. I was too tired to lead an expedition to the beach as planned, but so were the kids. So we adjourned to Kenny's place, sat around and played Family Reunion Bingo and talked some more.

The next morning, everyone who was still in town went back to Kenny's beach home for German sausage and pancakes. Everyone except me, it was my husband's birthday, so we had breakfast together and I met them all in time for leftovers.

The best indicator of success was the talk about the next reunion! Have to get my contact information to Debby. Maybe we'll see everyone next year.

Next step,

Family Reunion - Our History in Pictures

It's working! Yesterday we had a kick-off party at the folk's place on the beach for everyone who could get here early. Saw cousin Cheryl for the first time in over a year - that woman always looks good, and she's funny!

Everyone brought pictures; some were still on memory cards. Mom plugged in her photo printer and we printed pictures of Debby's daughter Dawneal's high school graduation. I highly recommend a Hallmark ready-for-pictures album. We made four or five pages yesterday afternoon with pictures people brought for the reunion, with more promised for after the reunion. Taking my laptop and aircard to the park so niece Lauren can download her pictures.

Dad has temporary custody of the box of family albums made by Aunt Mamie for Grandma. There are pictures of everyone. We found one of Great-Grandpa Friesen's home in Canada, built by him for his family when they migrated to avoid the draft for World War I. There's a picture of my father and grandfather with some experimental field equipment from John Deere. There are pictures of our uncles' favorite aunt. Uncle Don recognized her right away and exclaimed "She was such a wonderful person!"

Cheryl has an album that has everything she could find about her family tree and pictures of relatives, some of whom she cannot identify (Dad, Aunt Dorothy, Uncle Don and Uncle Kenny knew them all).

I met Uncle Kenny's grandson, Ryan, for the first time; he was interested in the family tree information printed from Dad's GRANDMA database. Took a few pictures; they are posted on the jakeandannie web site (link to the right). Niece Juli took more. Hope to get family groups for the album today.

Today is my big day - the picnic in the park starting at noon. Wish me luck...

Anticipation

Plans are all finished, cousins are all notified, aunts, uncles and parents have all promised to attend. Menu and decorations are decided upon, paper plates all gathered up to pack off to the beach. Once again the prospect of a family reunion is a pleasant one.

I wonder what it is about the thought of seeing a group of people we are related to that fills some of us with dread and some of us with such happy anticipation?

I think it's because no matter how different we are, we have a common bond in our history that affects all of us (more or less) in our attitudes about language, food, religion and families. That little thread of commonality makes us comfortable and uneasy at the same time. We have a lot of shared memories, some that make us laugh, some that make us cringe. Some of those people know us too well, maybe.

Those shared memories can validate our childhood experiences - as when my cousin remembers something our grandmother did or said, just the way I remember it - that makes vague memories of growing up real again. Looking forward to some of those moments next week.

Finished with the family!

Well, finished contacting them about the reunion. In the past two weeks, I called or emailed everyone I could...some answered and some did not. Some were glad to hear from me and some did exactly as requested and called their entire family, then called me back with a count. Bless them all... and bless me, too; I've talked with more relatives than I ever have in a two-week period unless somebody died.

See, that's the thing. I have this idea that we should get together when there isn't a funeral, just to have fun and see if we still like each other. Some of my relatives agree, apparently some do not. That's ok. I'll see them at the next funeral.

(Just re-read that, and it is not fair, there is a third group who have pressing plans and a fourth who have work obligations, and a fifth who have financial considerations. Ok. I'll see them all, well, you know.)

Now comes the fun part - planning the decorations with Juli. Oh yeah, my niece is all grown up, has a job and cannot spend a week with me, goofing off and planning the party part of the reunion, so we have to plan via email. Knew it was coming, but I hate it. Do not think her brother will come without her. That means no more kids spending the week, fishing, bowling, roasting marshmallows, playing horseshoes with Uncle Tim and teasing him about his "herbal iced tea."

Tim says the next generation in his family is just about old enough to start spending time here, so I'm not throwing out the fishing poles, yet. But it was sure nice to have two people who understood me that well around for a week every spring. Sometimes Tim just shook his head at us, but we were just being Kroekers. Like the time we ran out of marshmallows to roast, so we roasted our Peeps. (If you do not know what Peeps are, Google them; I don't have time to explain.) It was kind of like summer camp should have been - fun. We even have silly songs and sayings that make no one else laugh but crack us up mightily.

Next, the Fourth of July in California, then more work on the reunion and finally, the event - at the beach in California for a week and a weekend with my relatives. Cannot wait to see how that turns out.

More reunion thoughts...calling the relatives

If I have to call sixty people in 30 days, how many people do I have to call per day? Two, right? If I call one aunt and she promises to talk to one uncle, does that count as two people? Am I then finished for the day? That sounds good. So, yesterday, Father's Day, I called my dad and one brother - that must count for two (Mom and Dad) plus four (brother, sister-in-law, two nieces). That's six in one day; five in the "yes" column. Yup, yesterday was a good day for counting relatives.

Who shall I call today? Maybe the cousin whose son's wedding was last Saturday. If I count her, her husband, their two sons and two daughters-in-law - hey! that's six more people! At this rate, I could be finished in no time...sufficient unto the day.

Families

I've been planning a family reunion for about a year. I didn't ask for this job. Two of my cousins, who I almost never see anymore, asked me to. ( I think they asked me to, it's all a blur now.) The planning is kind of fun in the beginning; everyone is happy to hear there's going to be a reunion, that it's going to be a long time from now and mostly that they don't have to plan it. Then things get complicated. Where will we have the reunion? What will it cost? Who will pay? Will anyone actually show up?

There are a lot of places on the web to get help with family reunions. Places that sell you web sites, places that sell you software, there's even a site called familyreunion.com that has ideas about everything from food to fund raising. I used all the little helpers I could find...including building a web site. BTW "if you build it they will come" doesn't necessarily apply to family reunion web pages.

It's now 35 days to the reunion. The place is reserved - a pavilion at a park near the beach. The food is set - a pot luck barbeque. We even have a block of rooms ready to be reserved. Letters have been mailed or hand delivered or handed out with a request to "give this to your brother/sister/daughter/son." Now I just have to find out how many of my relatives are going to show up!

Cannot put it off any longer, it's time to call and beg. I mean ask, how many people to expect. If everyone shows up, there will be about sixty of us. So far, I think we can count on almost forty (!) we'll see...